I've been not in a good time, worstly just in right time of when people asking about my recently news. Counting days before coming home seems like my big plan of this year will be cancel again and again. I have no such a big willing to make it thru. Rinjani isn't only climbing on it and going escape. But I have an intense meaning of going up there. I won't forgive someone to make me keep alive and moving on. But I can not do.

At mid of March I found this article that outstandingly hit my head to the bone. Out of my story as a personal. It's an interview to an old lady who live at Kathmandu, Nepal. She's a retired researcher that now keeping information and developing deep intense care centre of information for those who wants to conquer their selves on top of Elizabeth Hawley's peak. Though Sagarmatha has many summits, but Hawley's peak is one of famous among them. If you are odd to how details of Himalayan mountain, It's Everest as the highest mount onto. Everest or Sagarmatha, following to origin name of local people call it has many peak that every climber needs at least few weeks to finish their list of summits on Sagarmatha. The main story of article can be told that Elizabeth Hawley as a person that inspire the mountain researcher to birth a name of one peak by her name not became something she proud and high minded about. I adore how her interview gave another point of view by somebody low-hearted not feeling crowning at the place just because her name's adopted being a name of outrageous peak at Sagarmatha. She told there's no important point of being proud and overbearing because what people mostly should be frightened is the God that live inside everyman who come, living and staying near to one embodiment of God. The living value inspires me of even a great women like Elizabeth take her bow down to nature.

I was born under Mt Semeru 3676 Mdpl, East Java. The only reason why my dad gave me a name of also a mount name far away from Indonesia. There at the southern of Italy, at Sicily Island laid one of high mounts list at Europe. But I, one of a million that doesn't have any kind of strong desire to conquer and summit on any mounts that lately climbing mountain in Indonesia is become a pop-culture by young people. But I honestly, don't feeling glad to do. Seriously. I have no kind of enthuasiasm and that atmosphere not going through my lungs. Yea, though can't be denied if I ever climb couple of mount peaks. Not regularly, just in case I really have a time and picky of some alike journey to the top. My secret, not a secret anymore, I never summit until now!

Would you believe if I don't want to do that doesn't mean if I can't do it? Yea, you wouldn't.

What a message I want to deliver here is I have no motivation to do the things. I plan it years, but it's really ruined in one month. Rinjani is the only mount that I fall in love first time, when I saw it from the distance at hovering of ironship across nothern West Nusa Tenggara sea at early September 2013. My problem is I don't want to be alone on top. That's the only problem I had after those above long chitty-chat talk. I don't want to be alone travel and escape anywhere again. I want to be with somebody, I want to hold a hand that whether I can hear stories. This solitaire journey should be ended sooner. Mostly now, my financial budget is blanked because I was too down to accept the reality that I should bury my dream once again this year. I madly blind of the budgeting money that I save to go to Lombok next month by spent it densely needless.

Beginning plan is fluctuative. Invite an old friend to go with, told that really want to go to summit because She is a miserable depressed girl that being left by a bad-bastard-boyfriend, who really going insanely want to conquer a mount that they both planned to go together so she planned to go first before he went on May this year. She loves compete to lose damnly. Then it changes pure-heartedly to really want to memorizing time with Dad at the date of Dad's obit. Then want to show that this girl has nothing to lose. She naively want to show the world that nothing can break her heart by taking all the things she loves.

I was too narrow-minded, I know. Spiteful who dislike to lose. Simply loving and never want to hold things. Release to never clutching. Keeping others belonging. Hurtfully masochist. Perfectionistly unfinished project-thing. Idealist of personal living-philosophist. Empty barrel muffled voice. I just want to say directly what I think and won't talk because I don't want to talk. I hate of crowded people who do useless ineffective things. I dislike people who force me to believe but going away then knock me out harshfully. It's sick. I am just a piece of little shit in the world that only because my dad gave me that mount name means I am strong enough to stand superciliously hurtless. I am not.



Sorry for my above bipolar emotions that furtherly irrelevant to the article.

Conclusion of this never concluded writing is I am a same person as Elizabeth. It doesn't mean our name of or to a mount makes us highly minded for everything of the sight. There's no hope from a person that adorely also loving their around and give the best to do but inspire people to memorize them by anyways. It's not me I talk about. But I want to be inspired by my name to do lots of useful things and reach my dreams, make it thru. I want to be great as my name. I want to give my best in life. I don't care if I won't succedfully to the goal. I just want to, at least try it.

So please people, I try to love enough. Laugh much and landing safely anywhere I go. Please share your warm heart to me, so I do try my best to give you mine. I am so much inspired by you all to be this kind of person now I become. For me, climbing a mount is not important anymore if I can get your love. Making me believe what I believe blindly that faith can save life. Save a peace world. Then we can travelling lovely hearted anywhere we dream to inspire ourselves.