Hey Bellas.

I'm not going anywhere at this weekend. A litle feeling of insecure being home alone with no television and music sounds. I love artificial noises!

So, this post will be actually dedicated as Curhat story of my love live. Because as I know, it doesn't run smooth, just like the other story of my life.

Have you ever been feel that you're so inloveable by anyone? And none wants your belong? I'm on your shoes now. But I'm kind of, Life's not end yet.

I was broken by many one sided love stories. Been thrown away, cheated and belong as the second choice. Cried for many nights has been drown in my darkness side that nobody will find out it's my true side. Because I hide it very mystical.

Here's the fact of my miserable love stories. There's none of boys that I like, do the same feeling like I do. I can't force them to love me. So when they left away I just say, It's Okay, don't cry! Or, when love turns panicly fire at wrong time I should force my self to walkaway. Try to not burn everything in wrong flame. In the same time, I hope that he will fight for me, chase after me. I'm kind of selfish personal. But my expectation is over. They never do that for me. I don't want to fight for love anymore, I did much! I got nothing, I don't want to fall in love again.

Then one day, when a man that I've ever loved say he will marry a girl, I cry to God at climacs of it. Asking to my self, what did I do? Am I doing something wrong? Do you send me Karma by now, God? Why nobody loves me? Can't I being loved at least one and forever? I want to be requiredable!

It's so messy mind. I don't know what to do anymore. I am only a human. I can't live alone with no feeling, I want to have someone tp be hang on. It is okay to have much people around me, bestfriends. But they also have life. They have their time to me, to always listen to me.But life's still incomplete. Where's the end of this life journey? Indeed, spend it with your loving one. Having a great home to belong and a great place to share your story. I just want love.

Life's so hard. I need to holding on and live it up. I try to pick up my mind, because it is useless even people say many positive things in case to calm me down but the true power to life is only on me, my self. So this time I say to my self. I will find that man who will love me, that person who will understand me more than me and that Bestfriend is lovely to make my days. But then one thing makes me realize. It is not about I believe there will be someone who loves me like I expect it to be. But it is about how loveable I am to be loved. Do I do my best to be the best to be choose, and am I ready to accept anything on them? Because love is acceptable and simply fill in.

And if love doesn't come yet at this near by time, God always have the plan to work on. So, don't mess up. Just Keep holding on, Good Girl!